I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
third nipple confirmed
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
my liver is dry heaving
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
