At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Rumble strips road head = magical
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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