I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
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