Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
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