he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
