then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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