why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
