Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Randomize
