my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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