I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
