Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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