Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Randomize
