so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
