well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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