Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Pooping to opera.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
