Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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