I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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