do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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