I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
