im drinking this country out of the recession.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
