is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
