capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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