god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
