So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
