I just threw up on my dentist
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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