Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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