No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
