Dude my mom stole all your condoms
"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
