Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
