a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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