you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
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