fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I don't �care how much you're grieving �a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.�
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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