He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
