sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The convent might be a nice break from real life
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
