She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
