She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
