woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
