Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
