Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
