There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
