I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Randomize
