Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
