You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
