I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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