actually, I'm a sock model
It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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