Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
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