im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
