Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I am naked and annoyed.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
