He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
