Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
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