Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
