You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
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