It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
