I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Randomize
