I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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