Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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