new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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