Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
