Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
