We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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