we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
