Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My vagina is officially offended.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
