I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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